How to Speak New Zenglish
Mimes a friendly way of introducing yourself, e.g. 'Mimes John Key, I'm the Prime Minister of New Zealand.' 'Hi John, mimes Janine. Were you after a full cut and blow wave or just a trim?' Jinnoe 'Have you had the privilege of making the acquaintance of . . . ?' e.g. 'Jinnoe my sister Janine? She's a hairdresser.' Immfrimm 'I was born and raised in the locality of . . . ' e.g. 'Immfrimm the Hawke's Bay.' 'Really? Immfrimm the Hawke's Bay too! Jinnoe my sister Janine?' Visitors to New Zealand often find it difficult to understand what a Kiwi is saying – it's hard enough for us locals! That's because we don't speak English, we speak New Zenglish – a weird, wonderful, and slightly bewildering form of communication. Designed for both New Zealanders and people who want to talk to New Zealanders, How to Speak New Zenglish brings everyday Kiwi conversation to life with unnerving accuracy, and celebrates the mangled mess of a language we proudly call our own. Injoy!
Hamilton born and bred, Jesse Mulligan is a comedian, MC, columnist, blogger and food writer. Having trained as a lawyer, Jesse instead went into broadcasting and PR, including a 10-year stint with More FM's breakfast show. He now appears on TV3's 7 Days (where he's also head writer). He is a resident humorist and restaurant critic for Metro, and blogs at www.aucklandfoodblog.co.nz.